How To Save Life
by OhMerlin's Beard
Summary: Warning: Graphic Suicide Attempt/Depression Tangled in the middle of war against demons and angels , the Winchesters failed to see Castiel's brokenness. Castiel never expected so much confusion, doubt and pain. In fact, the angel of the Lord had never left this way before. But all became too much, time's running out and its up to the Winchesters to save a life.
1. Chapter 1- Lost

Disclaimer: Story contains self-harm and suicide attempt. Depression is a serious condition and if you or someone you know has depression seek help. Be ware of the graphic content in this chapter. This is the only chapter that contains such content.

Chapter One: Nothing To Lose

"The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose."- James Baldwin

Castiel felt a brokenness in his heart, his mind filled with confusion and inner conflict. But he hid it, what choice did he have? His job was to protect the Winchesters because he believed in them. No, that was his choice. Because he disobeyed orders, now he's hunted and his reputation shattered.

His blue eyes shone a little differently, maybe he was just tired, Dean thought." Of course, Cas is just tired. After all a war is on, a fight between his brothers. Do angles need sleep?", Dean thought. Dean noticed the change in his friend and took note of Castiel being zoned out.

"I think I should say yes to Lucifer.", Sam remarks

"No way in hell, Sammy.", Dean says

"Why not? It could prevent more people from dying.",Sam replies

"We'll find another way, Sam. ", Dean answers

"We are running out of options.", Sam says running his hands through his hair and sighting

"We can't take that chance, Sam. It's your life at sake.", Dean adds

"It might be our only option.", Sam says

"Cass, what do you think about?", Dean adds

"Castiel?", Sam calls

Light flickers in Castiel's eyes, "Definitely, something is wrong with Cass.", Dean thought to himself.

"I'm sorry, Sam.",Castiel says

"For?", Sam remarks

"I'm not in the mood to discuss this.", Castiel says

"It's the middle of a war, Cass. We have to have plan of action.", Sam says bitterly

"Tell him, he's wrong. Castiel.", Dean demands

"I'm just gonna go.", Castiel says hurring out the door, not having enough mojo to poof

"What the hell?", Dean remarks

"Where is he going?", Sam asks

"I think he's upset.", Dean adds

"Where could he have gone?", Sam questions

"I think I have an idea. But we should give him some space.", Dean asks

"You should go after him.", Sam adds

"Probably.", Dean says grabbing his coat

"I'll stay here in case he comes back.", Sam replies

"Keep your cell on, Sammy.", Dean says

Dean slipped on his coat, grabbing his keys , wallet and phone. The town called "Halleluiah" was rather small in the middle of Nebraska. Dean unlocked his beloved impala and slid behind the wheel. He drove as fast as he could obeying speed laws. There were seven churches in town and Dean figured Castiel would be headed to one of them.

Meanwhile, Castiel did not head straight to the church. In fact, he decided he was done. He was so worthless. There was nothing he could do to end the war. And his father wasn't going to help. Castiel pocked the money he'd taken from Dean's wallet.

He bought a six pack of beer and started to drink his worries away. He sat silently in the park and drank. He loosed his tie and he allowed the alcohol to numb him. Castiel drank two cans before tossing them. Castiel carried the booze and took a stroll to the Catholic church.

Dean looked at the church and hadn't found the man. But he looked around town, first finding the tie in the park and two booze cans. He drove madly to the liquor store and asked if a blue eyes man had come in. He was told a man fitting that description came in over forty five minuets ago.

The light shined through the stain glass windows with vibrate colors and beautiful words. Castiel removed his tie, tench coat and suit jacket. He rolled his sleeves up and prepared for the decision he made. He sobbed as he wrote the note and closed his eyes. He stood in the middle of the church. He cried out and prayed, but received no answer.

Cass fell to his knees, desperate for an answer he never found. He took the blade from the pocket his trousers. He made cuts to the delicate skin of his wrists. He allowed the blood to stain his skin, he had nothing left to lose.

His father wasn't speaking to anyone expect Joshua. God had spoken , he wasn't getting involved. And his brethren would smite the human race to support their case. Not the righteous of the Lord which is what they should be doing. His own brothers would kill each other, not just Micheal and Lucifer but all of them.

Castiel continued to cut himself shallow, making them deeper as he went. It had not been the first time , the angle had cut himself. Recently, he felt himself losing control and this allowed him to control something.

Castiel calmed himself down at this point. He prayed more, feeling ashamed at what he did. He tried to mop up the blood and with no avail did it help. He drank more booze and screamed at God. He finished two more cans, adding a total of four drank with two left. Dean still hunted for the angle and with no luck had he found the man.

Castiel was at the end of his rope and feeling lost. He was taking control of the situation or so he thought. He had taken something else from Dean, the silver gun that the Winchester favored. Cass had thought long and hard about killing himself for months. He sobbed for a moment before taking a deep breath and pulling himself together.

He held on for as long as he could bare. Castiel fumbled and found the gun in his tench coat pocket. Dean parked the impala and hurried inside the parish. This time the angle was ready as he closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. He placed the gun, aimed and squeezed the trigger. The gun went off and Dean screamed running towards the man. Dean called out as Castiel cashed to the ground. There was so much blood and it stained Castiel's clothes.

Dean was panicking , his heart raced and his breathing quicken. He told himself he had to calm down. He held Castiel and checked for a pulse. The man had a weak pulse and had lost a lot of pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket and called 911. An ambulance was on its way and Castiel's life hung in the balance. Dean tried to stop the bleeding by applying pressure to the man's wound. Dean really wished that Cass wasn't so human.


	2. Chapter 2 - Fear And Blame

**_Author's Note: Hey readers, I'd really like to know what you think. Please leave me a review, I'd appreciate your feedback. I'm not going stop writing if you don't ,I'll still write this ! - OhMerlin'sBeard_**

The one thing Dean couldn't forget was the look in Castiel's blue eyes. He blamed himself, his heart ached with guilt. How could he have not seen the pain Cass must have felt? He really screwed this one up. Dean "Fuck up" Winchester was his name.

And it might have cost him his only real friend, his best friend. Bobby was his surrogate father, in fact the man had been more of a father than perhaps his own father had been. Sammy was his little brother, the one he had to protect since they were kids.

But Cas was different, the only friend Dean ever had. They moved around so much, Dean hadn't no reason to have friends. It was safer that way, and Dean wasn't a normal kid. His mother was killed by a monster and his father hunted him.

And Dean had one job, protect Sammy. Like a good son, he followed orders and become what his father wanted him to be. Like Castiel, being a good solider had made things worse. But dealing with freedom and doubt makes the struggle worse.

Dean watched as the EMTs rushed in and he was asked to step away. He watched as his fragile friend was cared for. The angel couldn't breath on his own, his body weak and pulse erratic. He was intubated received an I.V and his neck braced. Castiel's eyes were closed and he wasn't responsive.

They carefully moved Cas onto the stretcher and the man asked the name of the broken man. He looked into the eyes of the EMT who asked Dean a simply question.

"What is his name, sir?", the man asks

"Castiel Winchester.", Dean says

"Next of kin?", the man questions

"Dean Winchester.", Dean answers

"Thanks you.", the man says

"Don't wait up, I'll follow.",Dean adds

The man nodded and turned to his partner. They rushed Cass to the ambulance. Dean stood there in silence and shock. He couldn't help but remember the broken and stillness in his friend's eyes. Like something was calling out but Castiel had been in so much pain.

Dean collects Castiel's cast away tench coat, suit jacket and tie. He picks up the weapons to discard later. He found the note and tucked it into his pocket. He carried himself weakly to the car, careful placing Castiel's things in the passenger seat of the car.

Dean pocketed the note which was tucked in a worn bible. The bible was small enough to be tucked into a pair of slacks. It was of importance to Castiel and the note peeked out of it. He sobbed, sitting at the wheel of his car in park. Everything was too much to bare and his chest ached. He managed to pull himself together to read the note.

_Dear Dean,_

_I'm so sorry, my friend. I know the burden I must have placed onto you during a time of disorder and unknown. But I could no longer bare the burdens in my heart. I'm a man of few words, Dean. You know that._

_But this is my farewell, I shall use it well. I've lived many many years, my friend. I never had a friend before I meet you ,Dean Winchester. Even with many brothers, I never had a friend._

_I guess you struggle through with family. Simply because you have too, my brothers' rivalry and hate will get more killed. Say no to Micheal, Dean for as long as you can hold off._

_Most of all don't feel sorry for me. You cannot save everyone, Deano. Especially someone who doesn't want to be saved. But don't lose faith in God, Dean. A man needs his faith to fight a battle as large as yours._

_Here's a verse for you. Proverbs 18:24, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother". You are that friend, Dean. Out of the mess of brothers I was given, there was the one who stuck closer to me than the ones handed to me. I choose you, Dean. _

_I'm the one who gripped you tight andraised you from Perdition. And you stuckby my side, even if you wanted to kill me sometimes. Even trusted me more than yourself. It was an honor, my friend._

_Lay me down to rest, my friend. That is all I ask of you. This is my goodbye, Deano. Goodbye, dear friend. Our ways are parted for now but to be reunited in heaven. So don't get yourself killed, Dean. Really, I'd rather see you later than sooner._

_Sincerely, Castiel_

Dean drove to the hospital thirty miles from the town called "Hallelujah". He found his phone and prepared to dial it. He needed to call Sam and Bobby, they needed to know what had happened. The middle of the war and Cass chooses to end his life. But a miracle of some kind has kept him alive for a while longer.

"**Hello.", Bobby says **

"**Hey, it's Dean.", Dean says his voice breaking**

"**Is something wrong, son?", Bobby says gently**

"**Yeah. It's Cass.", Dean says gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles were white**

"**Tell me, boy. What's wrong with Cass?", Bobby asks concerned **

"**Um. He tried to kill himself.", Dean says **

"**How is Castiel?", Bobby questions **

"**He cut his wrists and then he shot himself in the head.", Dean explains**

"**God, I'm gonna set that idjit straight.", Bobby growls **

"**I found him, Bobby.", Dean says in tears **

"**Do you want me to come down?", Bobby asks **

"**Yes.", Dean says**

"**I'm on my way, son.", Bobby says **

**"We are in Liberty, Nebraska at St. Peter's Hospital. But we are staying thirty miles away at a place called Hallelujah.", Dean says **

"**I'll be there shortly. Get a couple of hotel rooms booked, We'll be staying until he gets better.". Bobby says **

"**What about the war?", Dean asks **

"**Screw heaven and hell, Castiel is more important.",Bobby says **

**"I agree, but we will talk about our plan of action later.",Dean says**

"**Alright.", Bobby says **

"**Well, I've got to call Sammy.", Dean says brokenness**

"**Take care of yourself ,Dean.", Bobby says **

"**You too.", Dean says **

"**Bye.", Bobby says **

**"See ya later.", Dean says hanging up**

Dean allows himself to calm down by taking a deep breath and then dials Sam's number. He listens forthe ring and then he hears the call connect.

"**Did you find him?", Sam asks **

"**Yeah, I did.", Dean says**

"**So you are on your way back right?", Sam remarks **

"**No, Sammy. Cass tried to kill himself, he's in critical condition.", Dean says holding it together**

"**Damn. Did you find him?", Sam asks **

"**Yeah, I did. ", Dean says **

**"Shit.", Sam adds **

"**Pack up the stuff and meet me at St. Peter's in Liberty.", Dean says **

"**Of course.", Sam says **

"**Bobby's on his way. He'll catch a plane or something.", Dean says **

"**I'll book a couple rooms and be on my way.", Sam says **

"**Thanks, Sammy.", Dean says **

"**No problem.",Sam says **

"**I better go.", Dean says**

**"Okay. See you later.", Sam says**

"**Later.", Dean adds hanging up the phone**


	3. Chapter 3- New Hope

He arrives in Liberty and finds St. Peters hospital. He parks the impala and rushes in with the faked papers. He rushes into the hospital door and arrives at the nurses' station. He asks about Castiel's condition and location.

"He's in emergency surgery. ". Nurse Anderson says

"How's his condition?", Dean questions

"He's stable but critical. The next forty eight hours are important.", Nurse Anderson says

"Thanks.",Dean says

"I'm Nurse Josiah Anderson.", Nurse Anderson says

"Dean Winchester.", Dean says

"If you need anything let me, know. I'll be ones of Mr. Winchester's ICU nurses.", Nurse Anderson says

"Alright.",Dean says

"I'll be in the chapel if there's any update.",Dean adds

The hospital had a small garden abject to the hospital. He opened the door and the cold air surrounded. He walked past the garden to the chapel which was in the middle of the space. Dean followed the path and arrived at the doors of the church.

He read the inscription above the door, "May all who pass these thresholds find what ever they may be looking for. May it be healing or an answer. May the holy spirit be with you." He found a prayer candle and lit it.

He placed the candle where many other candles where lit. Dean sat his jacket aside and came to the prayer altar. He kneed, his knees meet the leather. He took a deep breath and bowed his head. With his hands clasped together Dean began his prayer. He was the only one in the chapel.

"_**Heavenly father, I know that you are somewhere. And where ever you may be, I ask that you listen to my plea. Castiel is a fruit loop, okay. I mean he was a fruit loop when I meet him. But now's a soggy fruit loop. He needs you, father. I ask for healing, cause I can't loose him. He's**____**my best friend, Lord. I'm asking that you heal him and make him whole again. I have to do right by him. It's not time for Cass to go. Not yet, Lord, I'm begging you. In Jesus name, Amen.", Dean prayed**_

Dean felt the wind blow harder but the candles remained lit. He watched as the doors opened and appeared a man. The man was tall and strong, he had brown eyes and gray hair. His skin was tan and was dressed in white. Dean looked at him confused and noticed how close the man came towards hin.

"Hello, Dean.", the man said

"Who the hell are you?", Dean asks

"I'm God.". the man says

"As in heavenly father, God?", Dean remarks

"Yes.", God answers

"Am I dreaming?", Dean asks

"No. I'm here in the flesh.", God says

"Why did you save me? After everything I have done? I shed bleed, I killed and tormented souls. I don't deserve being saved.", Dean says falling to his knees

"I have forgiven you, Dean. And you deserved salvation. It was Castiel who heard your pleas and saved you. But I offer my forgiveness. I see the good in you , Dean. You made some bad choices in the best but you have proven are a righteous man of faith. ", God answers

"Why have you come?",Dean questions

"I need to speak to you, son.", God answers

"Okay. ", Dean says

"Son, Castiel will be made well. I know about my sons and the betray. ", God says

"So why are you here?",Dean asks

"You are strong, my son. And you need to be strong for Castiel. Castiel's grace will be restored and his body made whole again. Lucifer will be handled and Micheal punished.", God says reassuring

"Thank you.", Dean says

He watches as God snapped his fingers and a man stood before him. and Micheal had been summonsed. Dean watched as God spoke. Micheal fell to his knees, overwhelmed knowing he had wronged his father.

"Have mercy on me, father. For I know I have wronged you.", Micheal says with a whimper

"Micheal.", God says mightily

"Father.", Micheal says

"Micheal, You allowed your brethren to betray their purpose and go against my ways. You lead them into the wrong battle, my son. For this you will be punished. I have stripped you of your grace. You will remain in purgatory until you have learned you lesson. ", God says

Dean watched as the light came from Micheal's mouth and Adam's body was his own. Adam fell to the floor in weakness. He was resting, sound asleep. God placed his fingers before Adam's forehead and the memories erased.

"He will be alright. Just sleeping, Dean.", God adds

"What about Lucifer?", Dean asks

"I have a plan, Dean. He will be dealt with. Lean not on your own understanding , son.", God remarks

"What about the innocent?", Dean asks

"Dean, I have ended the sorrow and suffering. The Earth shall be repaired and lives saved. Now, as for Castiel. He will live, his grace restored and his wings earned. Although, he will have to find his faith again.", God answers

"How are you going to heal him?", Dean asks

"By restoring his grace, which will enhance his healing. He will have to heal since the restoration of grace is not instant. But he will survive this ordeal. And I will be watching over him.", God says

"Are you going to stay?", Dean questions

"No. I must return to heaven. There is months of restoration to be done.", God answers

"No. Please, I ask that you stay. Cass needs revival, his faith shattered because he received no answers. But I think Castiel holds on and he needs to hear words from his father.", Dean says

"Of course, my son.", God says

"So you'll stay.", Dean remarks

"I'll stay to see Castiel through his storm.", God says

"May I ask you a question?", Dean asks

"Of course.", God says

"Why do you allow theses things to happen?", Dean asks

"I do not allow devastation to happen, my boy. It isn't black and white like you see it. I knew the day would come when I would entrusted heaven to Micheal. A test of dedication, loyalty and faith for my children. I also foresaw that two mortal brothers would be tested and a son of mine would fall. But I knew Castiel's dedication and faith would see him through.", God explains

"What about those who were effect by the breaking of seals?", Dean asks

"Those who deserved to die, perished. But my children survived, the innocent and faithful.", God

answers

"Did you know a war would cause blood shed, death and devastation?", Dean asks bitterly

"Yes, of course I did, Dean. I knew what would come, I foresaw the current events. The question was would it play out like it did? And it did, a righteous man shed blood in heaven. He was pressed to say yes, tormented and his faith pushed beyond limits. You came through, Dean.", God explains

There was a moment and the door was opened, it was Josiah Anderson. The nurse came rushing into the building. Dean wasn't sure how much time had passed but it was obvious that hours had flown by.

"Dean.", Nurse Anderson called out

"Yes.", Dean says

"Castiel is out of surgery and your brother has arrived. The doctor would like to speak to you.", Nurse Anderson says

"Of course.", Dean says

He turns and notices that God was no longer behind him. But the Winchester was sure that he would appear again soon. There was no doubt in his mind that he wouldn't return . He stood and followed the nurse towards the waiting room.


	4. Chapter 4- Caring For Cas

He spoke to the doctor and nodded. Castiel was stable and the next few hours would be critical. Currently, the man was fragile and in a coma. Dean had a renewal of faith and something changed in his eyes. Sam noted the change in Dean's once terrified eyes.

"Are you alright?",Sam asks

"I'm okay.", Dean asks

"Where have you been?",Sam asks

"Chapel.",Dean says

"Praying?", Sam remarks

"Yes.", Dean replies

"Did you get an answer?", Sam asks

"Yes.", Dean says

"Wanna talk about it?", Sam asks

"No. I'd rather go see Cass.", Dean says leaving his brother behind.

Sam respected Dean's need and gave the man distance. Sam could visit Castiel later but it was important that Dean have time alone with his friend. Dean walked down the hall and entered the elevator.

He arrived on the third floor and found Castiel's room. He opened the door and there Cass lay. The angel was paler than the sheets he was lain on. The hiss of the ventilator and steady beeps of his heart rate were making this a little too real for Dean. Castiel's head was bandaged heavily and his hair shaved. It would have to grow back and that would upset Cass.

Dean took a seat next to his friend, sitting in a chair next to the bed. He held Castiel's right hand for the left one had an I.V. in it. Dean had never seen Castiel so still and fragile before. The doctor had said it helps to talk to someone when they are in a coma. Dean wasn't so sure, he hadn't remembered much of the time he was in a coma.

"**Well, Cass. They say you're supposed to talk to someone while their in a coma I have no idea if you can hear me, Castiel. I never heard of anyone coming out of one and talking. I think the doctor's tell us that to make us feel less helpless and useless. We get the feeling there is someone sorta of purpose. We just aren't waiting for the miracles to come or even the nightmare to end.**

**I'm not the kind of guy to sit here and just wait around. But I'll talk on the off chance it helps. Just promise me if you are hearing this that when you come out of, Cass. Because you are going to come out of this, Castiel. Promise me that you won't bring any of this up. We got a deal?**

**It's not that I'm ashamed of what I have to say or I'm afraid Sam will call me a pussy. It's that, growing up, Cass. We didn't show emotion and I've forced myself to be like my father. But the truth is I'm not him. And I'd like this stays between us. Other wise, I will kick your angel ass. And if you smirk about it, I will be forced to smack the stupid grin off your face.**

**I need you to okay. You have to come through this. I'm so sorry, Castiel. I should have seen the pain you carry. And see the burdens your heart holds. I failed you, Cass. You called me your friend, I've never had any one call me a friend.**

**You have to come through this. There isn't any other way, you need to be an annoying pain in my ass. Your father came, Cass. He spoke to me, something I never expected. God isn't dead, Cass. He came for you, He will help you get through this.**

**I'm not leaving you anytime soon. I expected you to do the same. Just fight this battle, Cass. There will be more battles but I'll fight beside you. Don't lose the war, Castiel. Don't give up, not yet."**

Dean sat there in the little room for hours. He wasn't sure how long he watched the ventilator force Cass's chest to raise and fall. Dean couldn't fall asleep because every time he did, he had nightmares about being too late. He might have found Cass dead if he had been a moment too late.

Dean couldn't leave Castiel's side. Not now in the moment , Cass needed a friend the most. Besides, Castiel was like family. He had become a part of the Winchester-Singer family. God, help him if he was a Winchester now.

Dean looked up at the clock and noticed he had been sitting here over five and half hours. He watched the still man and the steady beep of the monitor calmed him. And around five in the morning he fell asleep.

Chapter Five: Fallen Angel

Dean was shaken awake by Sam, Dean jumped and looked at Sam with wide eyes. He noticed the sun had risen and it was a new day. Castiel made it through the night, but still in critical condition. Dean got up and stretched his aching body.

The chair he slept in offered no padding and left him achy. Dean noticed Bobby sitting to the right of Sam in his wheelchair. Adam stood in the doorway, tiredly. Sam watched the concern etched on Dean's face. Bobby saw the stiffness in Dean's shoulder's.

"We've got some breakfast if you hungry.",Sam says

"Pie?",Bobby remarks

"No thanks.", Dean says

"Coffee?", Sam asks

"Sure.",Dean says

The room was quiet and Dean resumed sitting next to Castiel. Bobby, Sam and Adam tried to coax Dean to take a shower or get something to eat But Dean never left the angel's side. Dean felt like he couldn't leave Cass alone even as the man was in a coma.

Dean just sat there and remained by Cass's side. Bobby and Adam retired to the hotel rooms while Sam stayed. But he offered Dean privacy by residing in the waiting room. Around lunch time, Sam came by Cass's room.

Over the course, of a week Dean took on responsibilities of caring for Cass. Dean was working tireless to brighten Cass's room. Ellen and Jo came bring flowers saying they'd visit later. Dean talked the nurses into hanging colorful curtains and found a rug. Dean found blue sheets and a thick quilt. He organized the flowers, get well cards and balloons.

Dean was driving himself crazy and he didn't know what else to do. He found Cass's bible and read the angel stories. Dean just knew that he had to make this right. His best friend tried to kill himself for crying out loud.

The only change during those hours were the nurse who round the clock cared for the broken man. The doctor came during rounds. Cass's oxygen levels and vitals checked. A tube keep the angel fed and I.V. provided fluids. Cass was on pain meds and vitamin supplements.

And it remained this way for two weeks, Dean ate every little. He know left his post only to shower in the evening and change clothes. He ate three meals at day with coaxing from Sam or Bobby. He interacted very little expect with Castiel or Cass's careakers.

Sam had the nurses place a cot in Cass's room, and Dean slept only if Sam, Adam or Bobby stayed away with Cass. The three men rotated who stayed with Cass at night, that way everyone slept a normal couple of hours.

The doctor wasn't sure if Cass would pull through. In fact, on the fourteenth day the doctor came in with MRI scans and said he gave Cass forty eight hours. If Cass hasn't awaken by then, then the man's changes were slipping away. Of course, Cass's changes were slim already at best.

"I'm really sorry, but the news isn't good. Castiel's condition hasn't changed and he is considered brain dead.". The doctor said

"There must be someway you can help Cass.", Dean says

"I'm sorry, Mr. Winchester. His chances aren't good, he needs a miracle. I'm just a doctor not a miracle worker.", The doctor says

"So fix him. Find the damn miracle.", Dean grumbles

"What do you advise?", Sam asks, ignoring Dean's remarks

"I advise that you take into serious consideration of allowing Castiel to pass. There is no point in allowing the man to remain in this current condition.",The doctor says

Dean was visible upset and rushed out of the door. Bobby sighted and Sam paced worriedly. The doctor parted and said his goodbyes. Dean rushed to the chapel where he meet God two weeks ago to date. Dean had kept Castiel's candle light through out the past two weeks.


	5. Chapter 5- Free Falling

"God, where the hell are you?", Dean says

Dean found himself at the altar once again, on his knees praying. He closed his eyes, clasped his hands and took a deep breath. He calmed his anger and began his prayer.

**_Heavenly father, I ask of you once more. I ask that you bring healing to Cass. You promised that he would survive this. And my best friend is vegetable, I need him to wake up. Please, Lord. I'm begging you please_**.

And the man appeared in the doorway, Dean grumbled at the Lord. The man was dressed in black priests clothing with a white collar. God carried a bible in his right hand and Dean gave him a look,

"What's with the get up?", Dean questions

"You want me to lay hands on Castiel.", God says

"Yeah.", Dean says

"Then I should be dressed as a priest. I can't go in all, I'm God, all high and mighty like,", God answers

"Makes sense.", Dean says

"Lead me, my son.", God says

"Of course.", Dean says

"Castiel will heal but remember that he's still fragile. His grace is being restored but his body is broken. It will take him for him to be 100% ready to be on his feet.", God remarks

"Understood.", Dean says

Sam and Bobby watched as Dean returned with the priest. Dean told them to remain outside the room while they allowed the priest to work. God entered the room, and Dean closed the door behind them. He closed the blinds and God set to work.

God spoke in an ancient language and laid hands on Castiel's broken body. Dean watched as God breathed the breathe of life into Castiel. God turned to Dean and spoke, "I will return to speak to Castiel and Sam later. But Castiel will soon awaken and he needs a friend at his side."

Dean watched the almighty walk way and he opened the blinds. The door was up and there stood the two men. Dean joined Cass and watched his eyes flutter. Castiel struggled to open his eyes but managed after a few attempts. Dean smiled as the blue eyes looked at him disoriented.

"Dean.", Cass spoke, his voice thick and hoarse

"Cass. .", Dean said his voice breaking  
Something warm held Cass's cold hand and Cass realized it was Dean's hand. Cass looked at the man confused as he heard a strange sound. He looked at Dean weakly and realized the man was crying. Dean let out a small laugh as he smiled at Castiel.

"Did I do something wrong?", Castiel asks making a face

"No. Cass. I'm relived.", Dean says releasing Cass's hand  
Cas's memories were a bit fuzzy but slowly and surely the memories returned. Dean noticed the man was upset and attempted to comfort him. Castiel pushed Dean away, Dean was hurt by the action. Castiel looked at Dean with a pitiful look.

"Please leave.", Castiel begged weakly

Dean sighted, tried not to cry and left the room. Outside the room stood Sam and Bobby. They noticed the way Dean carried himself. Dean ached and hurt badly, his friend was hurting. He knew Cass wasn't himself. But that didnt mean it hurt any less.

"He's awake.", Dean says

"Then why are you sad, son?",Bobby asks

"He's so broke, there is no light in his once innocent eyes.", Dean says

"Did you make a deal?", Sam asks

"No. Of course not. Been there, done that.",Dean says

"Then why is Castiel suddenly better.", Sam questions

"I asked for a damn miracle.", Dean says

"No, You don't get to do that.", Sam remarks

"I prayed and I received a miracle, is that so hard to believe?", Dean remarks

"Yeah, it is given your track record.", Sam says

"I'm so freaking sorry that you can't believe me.", Dean says adds

Bobby watched as Dean walked away frustrated towards Castiel's room. Dean did not enter the room, he only watched through the glass. Cas was lying on his bed, a brokenness in his heart and a lose of innocence in his eyes.

"Sam.", Bobby says

"Yeah, Bobby.", Sam says turning to face the man

"Go easy on him.",Bobby says

"Why should I?",Sam remarks

"He's your brother, like it or not, son. And last time I checked we are a family. Castiel is your family too, you know. Dean's a worried older brother, and you ragging on him won't help. Stop being an idjit and pull your head out of your ass.",Bobby says  
"

You're right, Bobby. I didn't think about it that way. I'm sorry.", Sam adds

"It's not me you have to apologize to.", Bobby says

Bobby watched as Sam walked away giving Dean some space. Outside, Bobby held himself together. He considered Castiel family after all they went through. He promised himself that he wouldn't adopt any more sons but he did. But Castiel has a place in his hunter heart whether he likes it or not.  
On the inside, Bobby worried like crazy for his boys. Dean was hurting, watching his best friend so broken can't be easy. And finding Castiel like that didn't help. Sam was worried, he meant well but he said the wrong thing. And then there is Castiel, who is so lost that he can't find himself.

"Idjits.", Bobby remarks

Sam walked several blocks to the cafe where he bought two cups of coffee and a slice of pie. The pie is the important part of saying I'm sorry. Meanwhile, Dean sat outside of Castiel's room where two guards sat posted outside.  
Cas was under suicide watch for the next forty eight hours. Castiel felt alone, he knew his family was right outside the door but he was ashamed. He was ashamed that he failed them, that he tried to take his life. The truth is he didn't want to die as much as he wanted the pain to end.

Sam soon returned and took a seat next to his older brother. Dean gave him a look and accepted the pie that Sam brought to him. They sat in silence as Dean ate the apple die. Sam slipped his coffee and waited for Dean to speak.

"Pie isn't going to fix all my problems, you know.",Dean says

"I'm so sorry, Dean.", Sam adds

"So am I, little brother.", Dean remarks

"How are you feeling?", Sam asks

"I'm fine.",Dean says

"I don't want to hear "I'm fine.",Sam adds

"I'm not fine.", Dean says

"Is there anyway I can help?", Sam asks

"Do you know what it's like to find someone you love like that?", Dean says with tears in his eyes

"I don't. I hope I never have to.",Sam says

"He's so fragile, Sam. I could lose him.",Dean says

"I think I understand. He's your best friend.",Sam says

"_Wrong_, Sam. He's more than just my best friend. He's my brother, family.", Dean says

**Author's Notes:** The feels, man. I'm just borrowing the boys. Dean doesn't seem to mind as long as I have pie. But Sam, silly moose. He thinks I'm like Gabriel, a trickster. Now, now, Sammy. I'm a writer, it's what i do. But I promise what ever I break I'll fix. Like Dean's heart, I'll that and poor Castiel?. He's fallen and he can't get up but I'll make him better.  
Sometimes, I think i'm crazy. But i realize that it's not my fault.I'm a writer, that's why I'm up at the crack of dawn writing because I have these ideas. I'd like to hear what you think. Any ideas on what's coming up next with our boys? I've got an idea in mind but what do you think?


	6. Chapter 6- Just A Litte Broken

Castiel was unable to sleep, he laid there eyes wide open. He tried to make himself as small as possible. He tucked his knees to his chest and just sobbed. He realized his heart was once filled with so much love, loyalty and faith.

But where did that all go? He feels so empty, like something is missing that makes him whole. He doesn't hear as the glass door slides up. Dean's heart ached seeing a brother like that, the older brother within him reaches out.

Dean places his hand on Castiel's back, he rubs gentle circles on Cas's back. Cas surrenders into his feelings. Castiel moves and Dean helps him shift into a more comfortable position. Dean holds Castiel, Cas's head resting on his shoulder. His warm tears wetting Dean's t shirt.

But nothing else matters, not the war or feuding families. Castiel for once in his long life, shows emotions. A very human thing to do, showing vulnerability something the angel was not used to doing. Dean comforts Castiel who had pushed him away.

"I'm so sorry.",Castiel says sobbing

"Hey Cas, I'm here brother.",Dean says

"Dean.", Castiel says broken

"Talk to me, pal. What's going on in your head?",Dean asks

"It was so much easier when the world was new. There was so much beauty in the world.", Castiel says

"I could see that. The world without trouble must have been nice.",Dean comments

"When I was just a kid, it was so easy. I miss those days, I'm so old and tired. Back then, Lucifer was Lucy, just a grouchy older brother and Gabriel, was Gabe a prankster. Micheal was just Mike the scolding older brother. And I was the wasn't looking, Lucy would sneak candy to me. Mike wasn't always uptight he'd teach me magic tricks. Gabe sang me to sleep every night.", Castiel says

"Lucy?", Dean snickers

"Call him that and he will smite you.", Castiel says with a sad smile

"It's hard to picture Lucifer as an older brother.", Dean adds

"I know, he changed into a monster.", Castiel says

"It must be hard to see your family like this.",Dean says

"Yeah, especially when they act like children. Father wouldn't allow their behavior. I keep wondering where is he.",Castiel says

"I'm sure he's listening in.",Dean says

"I don't know anymore, Dean.", Castiel says

"When did you start you know feel this way?",Dean says

"You humans are so blunt.", Castiel comments

"You know what I mean.",Dean says

"Yeah, I understand.", Castiel says

Dean gives Cas a moment to breath and waits for Castiel to respond.

"I was lost before I even placed my hand on you. Trouble was brewing in heaven when I first meet you. Father disappeared months before I heard your pleas. Although, it wasn't the first time you were placed in my charge.",Castiel says

"Y...Y...You knew me before you raised me from hell ?", Dean stammers

"Yes. Do you not remember your mother's words? Angels are watching over you.",Castiel says

"When were you first assigned to me?",Dean asks

"Before you were even born, Dean. My father knew you in the womb as your inward parts were knitting together. I remember standing with Gabriel and thinking that Winchester might become someone great.", Castiel says

"Tell me that story.", Dean says wiping the tears away

"_It's one I remember well. It's beauty and wonder, the love of a mother. Mary Winchester was something special. It was January 24__th__,1979. A cold Thursday that I remember well, I watched from a distance. Gabriel was with me as my mentor and older brother, he was showing__what he wantd me to see. Your mother was beautiful and glowing._

_She went into labor that evening, she was calm and a natural. Itwas funny to watch your father scramble out the door nervously. He snapped the car seat into the backseat of the impala. Within several hours, they went to the hospital. _

_At Lawrence General Hospital, you were born a healthy boy. You had a tuff of dark brown hair and green eyes. Your mother had so much love for you already and your father was so scared of breaking you. Mary coaxed him into holding you, and then I could see it in his eyes._

_A father is always nervous but when they hold that little baby for the first time everything changes. She knew that angels were watching over you. I watched over you as you grew, checking in from time to time. What Gabriel was trying to teach me was the simplicity and beauty of family. _

_My family is dysfunction, so _is_yours. But you have it so much easier, I have two million brothers and you have the one. My father is the almighty, beginning and the end. Your father made mistakes, but he loved you. At the end of the day, Winchester stick together cause their family. While mine, smite each other and leave destruction in their wake._

_Any ways,__I was there when you blew out your candles on your third birthday. When you meet Sam for the first time. And I was there protecting you when Azazel came for your brother. Or when the monster came for Sam when your father was out hunting. Even when you sold your soul.I've always been there, Dean. I revealed myself to you after raising you from hell.", Castiel says _

"Why couldn't you save my mother?", Dean asks

"She was doing what was natural a mother protecting her child. If I revealed myself then I put you, myself and Sam in danger. While angels protect, something no matter how horrible must happen. It's a part of the plan.", Castiel explains

"I understand.",Dean says

"It wasn't easy to watch the death of Mary Winchester. I could see how much John loved her. And it tears me up to see the breaking point that John pushed himself to.", Castiel says

"He meant well.", Dean says

"He's your father, Dean. Fathers are supposed to put their children first. Instead, he sought vengeance on your mother's killer.", Castiel says

They sat in silence for a moment. Just looking at each other and gathering their thoughts. It's a lot to take in for Dean. And a lot of Castiel to remember, all that sadness. But their eyes meet and Dean is the first to speak.

"Do you remember anything from when I was talking to you?", Dean questions

"Y..Y..You talked to me while I was in a coma?", Castiel stammers

"I did.", Dean says

"I appreciate that I was not alone.", Castiel says

"You're my best friend, Cas.",Dean says

"I'm your best friend?", Castiel remarks

"Of course.", Dean says

"That means a lot to me, Dean.", Castiel says


	7. Chapter 7- Take My Hand

_**"Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worst... and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum." - Rick Riordan **_

"Promise me somethin'.", Dean says trying to swallow the lump in his throat

"What?", Castiel remarks

"Don't ever do that again. You scared the hell out of me, Cas. I thought I lost you.", Dean says

"I promise, Dean.", Castiel says

"You're a Winchester and a Singer. I don't give a damn what happens in heaven. Those sons of bitches don't realize how freakin' lucky they are. You're something, Cas. You're family.", Dean says

Cas did something he doesn't often do as he turns to Dean.

"Take my hand.", Castiel whispers

"Why?",Dean asks

"We'll run away from the world, for just a moment of peace.", Castiel says with a laugh

"Where?",Dean says

"There's a place I wanna show you.",Castiel says

Dean hadn't seen Cas like this ever. The angel carries a heavy burden of a long life lived. Dean could relate with the expectations a father places on you. The desire to please your father over what you want. Castiel was right, angels are warriors and he's a solider. Dean's a solider too, and there's a war going on.

"Okay.", Dean says cracking a smile

"We'll just put the world on pause.", Castiel laughed

"How?", Dean questions

"Just freeze time. We'll just borrow time. We'll return it just as we found it.", Castiel says

"Alright.",Dean says

And they ran away from the war for just a moment. It wasn't about pleasing fathers, following orders or the war. Two soldiers who ran from the war, just cause they could. Dean laughed as Cas took his hand and spread his wings.

Dean was scared to fly but not when Cas too his hand and off they went. Dean smiled when they ended up in the impala. Castiel knew where he wanted to go and told Dean how to get there. A simple road trip, and it made Castiel smile.

"There.", Castiel pointed

"Here?",Dean remarks

"Yeah. Let's go.", Castiel says

"Somewhere special?", Dean asks

"Yeah. Gabriel took me here a long long time ago. I can feel my brother still, especially when I'm here.", Castiel says

Dean parked the impala and Cas excitedly showd him the path. Castiel was like a child again, so carefree and innocent. Dressed in his trench coat and white scrubs, he happily danced around. They followed the path and Castiel explained why the path was special.

"Look around you, Dean.", Castiel says

"It's beautiful.",Dean says

"This is not on Earth.",Castiel says

"Where are we then?", Dean asks

"Heaven.",Castiel says relived

Following the path lead them to a creek, Castiel navigate the path until they reached the place. Dean was in awe of the place. Castiel was reliving a part of his childhood. He lead Dean to a tree where he once played as a child.

"Here. Come look at this.", Castiel says

"Your name, and your brothers craved into a tree.", Dean says with a smile

"Before Lucy was the devil, Gabe dead and Mike lost.", Castiel says

Dean watched as Castiel found his favorite swing and swung to his heart's content. Dean could hear the laughter of children. It was Cas's memories replay for Dean to see. He saw as Micheal pushed Cas on the swing and laughed as his brother called "Higher, higher, Mike." Or Lucifer playing hide and go seek with his younger brother. Gabriel and Cas camping out in the tree house built by Micheal many many years ago.

Dean could say that Cas was a very different person now than a few days ago. Somewhere in the brokenness was a beacon of light. It begged Cas to go one a live his life. Something that Dean could see clearly. It was his family that inflicted pain onto the angel, a vision of what was then and what is now.

Dean wondered if Sam had ever felt the same way. Being the youngest couldn't be easy, Dean could understand that now. Watching your older brother change from the boy he was and the man is becomes can't be hard. Especially if he's made mistakes and you've witnessed them.

As much as they both wished ,they could stay. The reality was they couldn't stay long. Once more Cas and Dean took each others hands flying away. They appeared back into that hospital room and time resumed.

It was as if they hadn't been gone for even a moment. And the smile on Castiel's face made it all worth the trip. Dean was glad Cas had shared something so personal with him. He knew that Cas would be okay, he could confirm it , Dean knew he'd be okay too. It was nice to think they could both be okay.

Together they'd look back and laugh at the moment they stole away. Not that anyone would mind the borrowed time. Dean knew that it would be up and down with Castiel from here on out. He need to be put back together again, one bit by bit. Dean understood that, he worried about his friend. Would they manage to still hunt and heal Cas?

Dean wasn't sure but he knew they'd move heaven and hell for Cas. Screw heaven and hell. all that matters was here and now. Castiel was the most important thing in their lives right now. They were family ,brothers forged by being good soldiers and becoming something stronger, a warrior.

Just needs some time to mend the wounds of a warrior. Castiel wasn't a good solider, he was more than that. He was a warrior and some how they'd find a way to get through this. Dean wished that he wasn't such a sap but when it came to Cas something in his heart melted. He felt like he had to go kill something to earn his manhood back.

It was just that Cas was so damn adorable. Why did his best friend have to do such cute childish things? Cas just made him smile and laugh. Something he hadn't done in a while . It felt nice to be living on borrowed time, even for just a second .Cas was someone different, more like his old self.

**Song Lyrics : **

Every fight needs mending

Every start has an end

Like the sunrise and sunset

That's just how it is

(Borrowed Time By Cuseshe)

Author's Note: This chapter was inspired by the song, "Borrowed Time" By Cusehe as well as the quote seen above. I couldn't help but add a bit of light in the darkness. I was kind of thing to my self, "How the hell is Cas some what normal (for an angel of the Lord, that is)? With older brothers like that how could anyone be sane? So I came up with this, I figured before Lucifer fell, he might have been likable. I love Gabriel and Castiel brotherly love. And Micheal might not have always been a dick.


	8. Chapter 8- Family, Kiddo We are family

**"Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten" - David Ogden Stiers **

Within a week, Castiel was being released from the hospital. He was quiet again, he didn't like to say more than one worded responses. This is how taking Cas home went, Dean came with clean clothes for Cas. Considering the ones he was wearing were ruined.

"Hey, Cassavona.", Dean says at the door

"Hi.", Castiel mutters

"I've got you some clean clothes. You get to go home today.", Dean says

"No.", Castiel says

"Stop, that. You're going with us for safety reasons.". Dean says

He hands Castiel the clothes back and takes a seat. Castiel was still under suicide watch, he would be given antidepressants as well. Dean was taking the safety precautions with Cas. Angel or human, Cas needed to be looked after.

Cas grumbled and dressed in the bathroom. He dressed into the gray sweat pants, navy t-shirt and black socks. He slipped into the pair of black slip ons and finds his trench coat. Dean placed the supernatural handcuffs on Cas

The two went to the nurses station where Dean signed Cas's papers and collect his medicine. To make it easier, Sam and Bobby headed back to Sixou Falls. They decided to give Cas a little of space. Dean helped Cas into the impala. Cas settled into the passenger seat with ease. Dean slipped behind the wheel and they started their journey back..

Once they arrived, Castiel went up the stairs. Turned to his room and proceeded to lock the door. He let no one in or out. He choose to interact with no one and Bobby had enough of this. They left food outside the door which he left untouched nor did he take his medicine.

"I'm worried about Cas.", Dean says

"Park it,son.", Bobby says

"What?", Dean asks sitting

"Someone has to be the adult around here. I do not give a damn that he wants to pout. He has not said a word to Sam or myself. He is gonna listen, and better get it through his thick skull he cannot act this way.", Bobby says

"What to you suggest?", Dean asks

"Hand me his medicine.", Bobby says

They watch as Bobby walks upstairs and proceeds to knock on the door. When Castiel doesn't let him then, he picks the lock. He lets himself in , Cas needed to know that his family is here. That Bobby won't put up with childish behavior.

Castiel was curled into a ball on his bed. He had the blanket pull over his body and Bobby took a seat on the bed. Castiel knew that someone had entered his room. Bobby was kind enough to close the door behind them to give them privacy.

"Cas, I'm here son.", Bobby says patting Cas's knee

"Hello, Bobby." ,Castiel says

"Son, we need to talk.", Bobby adds

"About?", Castiel asks

"This behavior of yours is acceptable.",Bobby says

"I'm sorry.", Castiel says

"What to talk about it?", Bobby asks gentle

"No. I don't want you to think poorly of me.", Castiel adds

"I know what its like. I wanted to end my life after I lost my wife, Cas. But I have the bullet and gun in my desk as a reminder. I choose life.", Bobby says

"I've screwed everything up.", Castiel says

"I've done that too, Cas.", Bobby says

Castiel doesn't say anything as Bobby embraces him. He did something Castiel wouldn't expect of the beared man. Bobby hugs him and says the words he needed to hear. "Son, it doesn't matter how much you've screwed things up. If I hadn't choose life, I never would have gotten three wonderful boys. Sam, Dean and you, Castiel, You are my boys."

"Me? You consider me one of your own?", Castiel remarks

"Yes, Cas. You are family, a Singer in my books.", Bobby adds

"I was ashamed of myself.", Castiel admits

"There is nothing to be ashamed of. Now will you come downstairs?", Bobby asks

"Yes, I will.",Castiel adds

"Now come on, you idjit. Come downstairs and I'll fix you a real man's meal.", Bobby says with a smile

Castiel smiled and followed Bobby downstairs. He realized no matter his heavenly family was he'd always have his earthly family to fall back on. He ate sloppy joes for the first time in his life. And his family celebrated for once.

Instead of focusing on the war they were fighting. For once they focused on themselves. Rejoicing on Castiel's return home. Bobby told stories about Sam and Dean growing up. Castiel laughed and for once enjoyed himself.

He allowed himself to feel, to be alive and to forget what troubled him. There was someone else who could clean up the mess. Castiel accepted that he could always fix things. Bobby was right, he had a family right here who loved him.

No matter what those Winchesters and Bobby cared a great deal for him,. He was sadden at the knowlge he would outlive them. The days would go by and eventually they'd grow old. With no idea for the angel in their lives. But he was sure that for today he could cherish what he had.

The present was what matter. Not the past or the future. Today was for just a moment, soon to pass. Cas enjoyed himself with his family tonight. The family he was adopted into , not born into. For once, it wasn't brother against brother. But brother united with brother, something he missed having.

His heart was at peace and he knew they would get through this. He found the something he was missing. His peace , his love , those things could be restore. He found peace, love, family and faith again.

**Author's Note**: I will resume updates on Saturday. I will be unable to able to update until I return home. Going to family get together. I will likely not have internet nor time.


	9. Chapter 9- Oh, Cas

Castiel was up in his room, he had been coming down stairs for meals. But mainly kept to himself, locking him in his room. He sat with his head bowed and hands clasped as he prayed for forgiveness. He was trying so hard to make things right.

Cas felt his eyes grow heavy, the anti-depressants made him sleepy. He fell asleep and rested against the cool pillow. But images of what he had done haunted him. They stalked in in the night, lulling him to sleep and then stealing his dreams.

He cried out for his father. He sobbed as he bolted up right in his bed and the widow was open. The moon light shined in and the breeze surrounded him. He was on his knees and prayed against the end of the bed.

Then it all happened at once, the wind blew around him and a man appeared. Cas's blue eyes were closed when the man placed his hand on Cas's shoulder. And there was a sudden rush of feeling when he realized he knew who this man is.

"I''m here, son.",God spoke

"Father?", Castiel queried

"Yes, Castiel. I am here.",God smiled

"Why? Now? Am I in trouble?", Castiel trembled

"No, Castiel. This was the plan, I had always known that your faith would be tested.", God chuckles, smiling softly

"I'm sorry, sir.",Castiel adds ashamed

"I know, you have been forgiven.",God declares

Castiel looked at his father with a pang of sadness in his eyes. He found himself have scared and the other enraged. God knew that, after he knew his son from the moment he was created. Castiel was a loyal but stubborn angel.

"Where were you?", Castiel yelled, sobbing and pounding against his father's chest.

God had tears rolling down his face as he felt the fists hit his chest. He let the tears fall as he wrapped his hands around Cas and rubbed circles on his back. Cas pushed him away and curled into a ball. His brilliant wings wrapped him and he sobbed.

It reminded God when Cas was young and far to young to understand. He had always had a stubborn angel from the start. Fathers understand their sons and the way they feel. God knew that Castiel must be frustrated and hurt.

"I was always with you, my boy.",God answers

"That's not what I mean.",Castiel frustratedly adds

"I required a fallen angel, a drunk and two brothers. It was all part of the plan, I had a plan from the moment Lucifer fell. I knew what would happen, I knew Micheal and Lucifer when they were still being created. At the time, I had not foreseen the fall but I knew my sons non the less.", God triumphantly replied

"Did you hear my prayers?", Castiel inquires wiping his tears on his sleeve

"Always, son.", God smiled softly as he answered.

"Why would you make to search after you and to no avail did I find you?", Castiel ponders

"In my own timing, I would reveal myself.", God said with a sadden look in his eyes.

"I went through hell defending heaven while you watched.", Castiel says looking straight into the eyes of his father.

"You are strong, Castiel. I had a plan for you that I have promised to you. You completed it with grace and you are blessed, child. ", God solemnly said

"You know what my name means To Fall From God.",Castiel noted as he scrunched his face up in anger at his father

"It was part of the plan, Cas.",God insisted

Castiel turned away from his father as his chest ached. Meeting his father brought him joy and sadness To discover the reasons behind his troubles was difficult. He didn't want to think that this was all part of the plan. He fought fate, he choose his own destiny.

This so called "plan" bothered him when it donned on him. Maybe Father hadn't know the entire plan. He just need a fallen angel, and Castiel happened to fall into the part. Castiel was upset at this new discover. What if he was "just" playing the part?

"Remember who you are Castiel.",God added before disappearing

Cas found himself frustrated and needed to get out of the house for just a bit. Everyone is the house was an asleep and he could return by morning. Maybe he could run to the story and make breakfast for everyone. He could thank them by showing kindness.

Castiel quickly dressed into a pair of tracksuit buttons and red t-shirt. He slipped on the blue zip up hoodie and zipped it up. He placed the hood over his head and found his sneakers. He was quiet as he slipped out of his room.

He closed the door behind him and tip toed into Dean's room. He stole the keys to the impala and Dean's wallet. He had his own phone tucked into his pocket as he closed the door and quickly wrote a note. He hadn't figured he'd be gone long.

Cas slipped out the door and slipped behind the wheel of the impala. He used his grace to muffle the sound of the impala's car starting. Castiel had been taught to drive by the master himself, Dean Winchester.

Castiel drove with ease and pulled out of the driveway. He headed towards town and drove to the little market in town. He parked the car and locked it. He scrolled into the store and got a cart. He navigated the store.

He bought bacon, pie, pancake mix, and eggs. He collect his items and made sure he had everything he needed. Castiel paid for his items and for once hoped that all would go well. But alas that was not the case.

When Cas was checking out, he noticed the cashier had beady black eyes. Damn, Cas. The angel had his angel blade but they wouldn't help against the legion of demons that surrounded him. Cas fought back and he was defeated as they inject him with a sedative.

There laid Cas as the demons took the angel back to their king. Crowley would be pleased to see the man on his "Most Wanted" list. Ever since Cas's betrayal, he's been number one with a bounty on his head. And it seemed, that someone was getting promoted smiled the cashier.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, I was having a bit of writers block. But it seemed I over came that and this is a little twist in the story. Enjoy!


	10. Chapter 10- No Rest For The Wicked

Castiel's plan for a nice breakfast failed epically. Getting kidnapped by demons was not part of the plan when he was buying items for breakfast. He took Dean's baby for a spin, went to the store without a second person and didn't bring the pie back.

Dean was the first to wake that morning and he padded softly downstairs. He found it strange that Cas wasn't curled up on the couch with a book. Castiel was always downstairs at the crack of drawn. He figured maybe Cas was still upstairs.

Dean decided to make a pot of coffee and grabbed a cup from the cabinet. The cup he choose was the way Castiel made one day. It said "Number One Hunter" and it made Dean chuckled at the memory. Cas want to make dean a gift for his birthday and he did. He poured a cup of coffee and took a seat at the table.

He found a note on the kitchen table. His eyebrows crinkled up when he noticed Cas's hand writing. This worried him a bit why would Cas not be downstairs and then leave a note? He began to read the note worriedly.

Dear who ever is reading this,

I decided to make a trip into town. I borrowed the impala, sorry Dean. I will return her just as I found her. When I use my grace, it leaves a mark in the atmosphere. For safety reasons, I drove to town. I'll be back shortly. I wanted to do something nice and show my appreciation. Be back shortly.

Cas

Dean figured the male must be on his way back. He watched the minuets tick away with his eyes on the clock. Bobby with his head heavy from drinking came downstairs. Dean handed him a cup of coffee and Bobby accepted him.

Sam came downstairs shorty and his hair looked crazy. Dean snickered at the sight of his brother trying to tame his hair. Bobby growled at the noise and gave Dean a pitiful look. Dean tried not to laugh at the grouchy hungover man. Bobby Singer was not a morning person.

"I'm have a bad hair day.",Sam states

"If you'd stoping being a girl and get it cut. You wouldn't have this problem.",Dean declares

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Shut up both of ya'. And get a hair cut, you idjit."

"Where's Cas?", Sam poses

"Ummm, I don't know.", Dean voices

"He's not in his room again is he? We had this talk.",Bobby groans

"No. I think something happened to him.",Dean announces

"Where did he go?"

"Left a note."

And with that there was a knock at the door. It was Jody Mills, the sheriff and she was dressed in official uniform. She meant business with the serious look on her face. She was welcomed in by Dean and they look a seat in the living room.

"You're gonna want to see this.",Jody exclaims

"What happened?",Dean inquires

"Demons in town. Seems they took your friend, Clarence."

"Balls."

"He is missing."

"Clarence might be an idjit. But not a big enough one to take a car and go into town by himself."

"I think he might have."

"He did leave a note that says otherwise."

"Great. The idjit managed to get kidnapped."

"We'll get him back and gank some black eyed bitches while we're at."

"Come on down to the station. Watch the tape and make sure it's your friend."

"Alright, we'll be right now."

"Oh, and Sam. Get a haircut."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Girl."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Dick."

"Knock it off."

"Yes,sir."

"Yes,sir."

"Get dressed you, idjits. Go investigate and find Cas."

"We're going."

"Yeah."

Sam and Dean marched upstairs to get dressed for the day. It seemed they had gotten themselves a job. Dean prayed that where ever Cas was that he was okay because he can't lose anyone else. Sam quickly meets him and they catch a ride into town with Jody.

Meanwhile...

Crowley laughed when Steve the demonic cashier had the angel in hand. The angel was bound and gagged. There was no struggle seeing that the sedative had taken ahold a while back. Crowley was dress in a black suit with white pinstripes.

"Naomi.",Crowly smiled and shook the angel's hand. He still couldn't believe that Naomi was an angel in the first place. She seems that she would be a great asset to the demonic side. But he was glad that he was doing business with her.

"Crowley.",Naomi smiled falsely and shook his hand. She couldn't the king of hell was so stupid. The deal was come alone, of course Naomi never goes any where alone. She had reinforcements out side. And Crowley couldn't angel ward anything since they had to talk.

"Let me see him."

"Not until, you sing the contract, sunshine."

"Castiel first."

"There he is."

"Alright, I'll sign."

Naomi signed and Crowley handed over Cas. The exchange would take place within the next forty eight hours. Anyone who was to die would go straight to hell. No judgment day for the poor souls to die within that time frame.

Naomi cackled as she ordered her henchmen to carry Cas. They mojoed back to heaven where Naomi demanded they send Castiel to purgatory. He woke with a groan and found himself in the dark cells. He didn't know where he was nor what to do.

He seemed that he had no idea where he was. The ground was cold and hard, he was too weak to stand. He groaned as he vomited and the dizziness was unbearable. He was all alone and lost again. He prayed to any listening ear and Father that someone would save him.

He just laid there, hoping and praying he would survive this. Little did Castiel know that Father was sending his rescuers his way. But it would take a bit of time. While Castiel would wait, he would hold onto faith knowing his Father was out there somewhere.

He closed his eyes and rested his head on the cold hard ground. Each thought kept him company and he held on. He needed the dizziness to pass so he could figure out where he was. Something about this place seemed familiar.


	11. Chapter 11- Fun Guy

Castiel awoke and he made the sound of a wounded animal. "Whoa! Hey brother you're alright.". a familiar voice states. Cas tries to sit up as the movement becomes too much. He's by his side in a second. "Take it easy, Cass."

"Benny?"', Castiel exclaims in surprise and disbelief. He knew where he was now, Purgatory. The smell brought each memory back and it flooded his head. For a moment, he wasn't here but there with Dean again fighting against leviathans.

"Cassie.", Benny embraces the angel and hugs him gently. Castiel choked back a sob and allowed himself to be held in close embrace with a friend. Cas realized he didn't want to go back. No, not after what he had done.

"We'll get you home again."

"No, Benji. I want to stay.", Castiel announces with a tears in his eyes. He knew it would hurt Dean for him to remain in Purgatory. But this is what Cas wants, if not death than penance. Benny understood where Cass was coming from and simply nodded.

"If that's what you want."

"I do."

"It's getting closer to dark. We better head back."

"Sure."

"So tell me Cass, what brings you back."

"It's a long story."

"We've got all the time in the world, brother."

"Alright."

The two men headed towards the shelter Benny made his home. It wasn't much but enough to keep the monsters at bay. With Cass's help, they were able to ward the home from some outside things. Cass got to thinking they could improve on this. And Benny agreed, this could be their project.

Meanwhile...

Dean swore he'd fight to get Cas back. Days were passing since the last time they saw the angel. Dean wasn't sleeping much and pie didn't seem to improve his mood any. It was just gank demons and torture for information.

Sam and Bobby didn't bother Dean when he was downstairs. Downstairs, Dean torture demons for information. And the man downstairs wasn't their Dean when he was like this. He became animalistic, as if there was a switch.

Like something deep within had been taught how to switch human qualities off. He became more animal than man. The Righteous Man who shed blood in hell had been taught to become in tune with his primal instincts. The very instincts that kept man alive in the beginning. To kill or be killed...to hunt or to be hunted.

Dean came upstairs for coffee, his eyes red and bags heavy under his eyes. It was early morning, Bobby and Sam had been up as well. But they took shifts, one man slept and other worked. But there was no rest for Dean.

They deiced not to infer with Dean out of safety concerns. If the behavior worsened they would have no choice but to hold in in the bunker downstairs. But for now, he seemed to be as okay as can be. Castiel was a member of the family and someone had taken him.

"How about taking a break son?"

"I cold use a cup of coffee."

"Find any thing useful out?"

"Yep, we're talking to the wrong guys."

"Angels?"

"I don't know. But the guy downstairs says Steve would know."

"Who's Steve?"

"The demonic cashier who nabbed Cass."

"Where can be find him?"

"He's a crossroads demon."

"Summon him?"

"Yeah. That would be the way to go."

"Let Sammy and I take care of this."

"Fine. But I wanted to tear his ass apart."

"You can. But I want you to sleep."

"I don't want to sleep until Cass is back safely."

"You won't be any help to him if you're tired."

"I guess you're right."

Bobby knew the signs of a trap and he gave Sam the signal. As Dean head upstairs, Sam stood behind the corner. The hunter's tiredness allowed Sam to overpower Dean. They knocked Dean out and placed in in the bunker.

They made sure he was hand cuffed to the bed and secure. Sent the helpful Demon downstairs back to hell and cleaned up. Dean would spend the night downstairs and they ensure he got a restful night's sleep before they would allow him to come upstairs.

The following morning, Bobby and Sam released Dean. Dean opened his mouth to complain about the bump on his head and being forcefully kept downstairs. Then the eldest Winchester got an ear full form Bobby who was in mood to put up with his crap.

They returned upstairs where breakfast was prepared. It was Sam's turn to cook, he made biscuits and gravy. They settled at the table with their mugs of coffee. The three men sat in silence until Sammy finally broke the tension. The tension seemed to cut through the room like a knife.

"There is one crossroad demon we can summon..."

"No way in hell Sammy. We are not asking that son of a bitch for help."

"What are you idgits talking about?"

"Sammy seems to have an ability to call Crowley and he responds by appearing."

"Hello no! Sammy, you idgit."

"It might help."

"Balls."

"Come on, Bobby. He's helped us before.

"He's the devil. And we ain't dancing with the devil."

"Are you just sore because I kissed you?", Crowley cackles appearing in the room. He leans against the wall and smirks. Bobby gives Crowley a nasty look.

"You should've bought me a drink first."

"I can be of use to you."

"I smell a rat."

"Come on, Singer. Who knows more about hell than me?"

"Balls."

"You wanna find Cass don't ya?"

"Dammit, if you've had anything to with this. So help me God, I will kill you.",Dean growls grabbing Crowley by his shirt and pushing him against the hall. Crowley gaps for breath and plays along til he snaps his fingers, taking a seat at the table and kicking his feet up,

"Like God will help ya'. I hear the angels' father is M.I.A."

"Just talk."

"It'll cost ya."

"It always does."

"No souls."

"You are no fun, Dean Winchester."

"I'm a fun guy."

"Just keep telling yourself that."

Author's Note: Shout out to a wonderful friend of mine. She helped me write the last bit of the chapter. I was a little stuck there. Check out her story, "The Demon Within The Witch And Angel.". Hope you liked the chapter!


	12. Chapter 12- Echo

Benny worried about Cass, something about the angel was changing. And he wasn't sure if it was a good thing. Benny wanted to get to the bottom of this "I don't wanna go home thing." Dean can't lose both of them. And Benny was determined to save Castiel.

Maybe this was God's will, Benny once had faith. But that faith was of a drinking man. His bible a bottle of whiskey. Till he meet Andrea, she put a bible in his hand and faith in his heart. And till they day he died, he gave that bottle up. They could had a real nice life.

Benny could understand Castiel in ways the Winchesters couldn't. Maybe this was God's Will and Benny could find salvation. If he could save Cass, maybe he could save himself. Something he needed in this damnation of his.

He sat there in his chair, he had a choice to make. Does he turn for the bible of a drinking man or the one of a praying man? His thoughts drift towards Andrea and Sundays spent with half lessons learned. Papa made him go to church as a boy. And lessons went in one ear, out another.

Well, it can't hurt to pray. Of course, they needed a miracle. Castiel doesn't belong here, he's an angel of the Lord. Well, Benny on the other hand. Like it or not, this is his final resting place. He closes his eyes and clasps his hands in prayer.

As he reflected on what Castiel revealed to him, he prayed. He prayed for an ordinary miracle for someone extraordinary. Way Benny had it figured was someone out there was listening. And all he needed was one listening ear.

"Ello here, Benjamin.", King Of Hell announces to the weary man. Benny's tired eyes did a double take as he looked at the sight before. "Figures, I pray to heaven and they sent me hell. I'm not find this funny, God or angels. Who ever sent me this bastard."

"What the hell, Crowley?", Benny exclaims holding the blade point away from his body. His grasp was firm and he was ready to rumble. If it meant protecting Castiel, he'd be prepared. "Who the hell sent you? And what do you want?"

"I'm here on a goodwill gesture to Squirrel and Moose. They want the little angel back. God knows why.", Crowley smirks and laughs.

"He won't go. He doesn't want to go home."

"Bloody hell. I'm going to murder Squirrel and Moose for wasting my time with this shit. I'm going to lose torture time of souls over this aren't I?"

"Yep."

"Give the little angel a message from me. He better get himself sorta before I drag his ass back myself. And better yet I'll damn those bloody Winchesters myself."

"Deliver a message to Dean-o for me."

"Finally, at least. Something worth my bloody time."

"Tell Dean, "Give Paul a call for me."

"Fine.",Crowley grumbles and had no bloody idea why Benny wanted Dean to give some guy a call. This was stupid and a waste of his time. This is why he doesn't do nice. He makes a better demon than a nice guy.

Little did Crowley know that "Give Paul a call." was code for when something wasn't going right. They agreed "Paul" as the codeword, it was easy to remember. "Impala"was the reminder there and Paul being the word. It meant trouble, and something was up.

Meanwhile...

Dean sleep in his room at Bobby's the bed creaked and he turned. He tossed and turned, the bed groaning. His dream started out nice, he was racking the leaves and Castiel came towards him. The scene changes.

He's running and running, his knife in his hand. There is something chasing after them, he can hear the deep nosiy breathing sounds. Benny is next to him and they run towards the scream. And there's Castiel lying there so broken.

He drops to his eyes, Benny fights the Leviathan. He cradles Castiel and the angel is no longer alive. He sobs and rocks them. Back and forth till something comes alive in Castiel's broken body. The black is oozing from his body.

His neck crackles and snaps back into place. He has a look in his eye, one that is not his own. And Dean wakes up in cold sweat. His shorts are wet,the warmth was sticky. He knew its scent, urine. He had wet the bed.

He changed his shorts and stripped the bed. He dragged the soiled items to the washer in the basement. He placed them in the washer and measures the soap. He turns the dial and let it run. Dean was embarrassed, he hadn't gone that since he was a child.

Dean climbed back into bed after changing the sheets. That was the third time this week. And it was growing hard to hide those episodes. He was withdraw, unable to see and a bit jumpy. He was seeing things that weren't there.

"Damnit, I've got a screw lose.",Dean muttered settling back in his bed. He closed his eyes and managed to get back to sleep without wetting himself again. Dean sleep in that morning, he hadn't gotten much sleep.

Every time he opened his eyes all he say was Cass. It was as if he could reach out and touch him. But when he got close he disappeared, vanishing into thin air. He called out to Dean and Dean couldn't understand.

It was like when you put your face under water. You look up through the blue and it's relaxing until you can't hear anymore. You wanna reach out and grasp what is calling you. Maybe it's a friend or sibling trying to get your attention. But the sound is muffled.

It's as if Cas if calling out to him. He shakes the idea out of his mind and muttered that was crazy. He got up and his feet hit the floor. He was up, and he changed into his clothes. He made a trip to the basement to dry his sheets.

"Morning, guys.",Dean proclaimed coming up the stairs and meeting the two hunters in the kitchen. They had noticed Dean's strange behavior. It was becoming a little two much. But before

they could say anything Crowley appeared in the kitchen.

"I bring news from the Land of Nod.", Crowley announced

"What the land of sleep?", Dean remarked confused

"You aren't Biblical educated are you?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Nevermind."

"What were you going to say?"

"I was referring that the word "Nod" in Hebrew means to wander . So Land Of The Wanders.",Crowley explains

"Oh."

"Found you precious little angel."

"Where was he?"

"Purgatory with Benjamin."

"Benny?"

"Yeah, apparently the little one doesn't want to come home."

"If I have to drag his angel ass back I will."

"Down boy. Heal. Sit."

"Damn you."

"Kinda of already king of hell. "

"Give him a message."

"I don't want to be your damn secretary again." ,Crowley grumbles

"What the hell are you talking about, you idjit?

"Benny said for me to tell Dean, "Give Paul a call."

"Oh Alright. I'll do that right after you leave."

"And I already told him to get his ass back or I'd personal drag him back."

And with that Crowley disappeared. All eyes were on Dean. It seems that Dean was in trouble. Dean chuckled nervously wishing he to could vanish. He knew his family only wanted what was best for him. But something should remain a secret.

* * *

Author's Note: Hello there readers, I already had this written. So I thought I'd post Tuesday's Update a bit early. Enjoy! Also, the name for this chapter was inspired by a song called "Echo" by Jason Walker.


	13. Chapter 13- I Wasn't Always A Good Guy

Dean chuckled nervous as all eyes were on him. Crowley had spoken the codeword for trouble. And not just any trouble, but hell in the hand basket kind. Benny was in distress which meant Castiel was losing it.

"Better start talking, Dean.", Bobby growls

"Something are better if you don't know."

"We're family.", Sam remarks

"And somethins you don't need to know about."

"We don't keep secerts. Not anymore."

"Damn it, Sammy. There is a reason why I don't talk about it."

Dean grabbed a beer from the fridge. H popped the top off and carried himself upstairs. He didn't want to talk about it. Bobby followed in suit and pounded on the door. Sam remained downstairs with his head in his hands.

"Dean, we need to talk."

"What is there to talk about?"

"This isn't healthy."

"I don't give a damn."

"Well, I do."

"He's gone, Bobby. He ain't coming back."

"That doesn't give you the right to be an idjit."

Dean didn't want to admit his secrets. The secrets that he used a mask to hide himself. He didn't want to remember the men he had been during hell and Purgatory. He didn't want to tell them everything. Something only Castiel knew, the only who griped him tight and raised him.

"Dean. Talk to me. This isn't you."

"Maybe you don't me as well as you think."

"Son, I have known you since you were just a boy."

Dean opened the door, the truth was there is a part of him that is just an act. Sometimes he doesn't know who he is either. Sometimes he's the righteous man, the hunter, or the good soldier and very rarely himself. But he doesn't like to admit he was the murder, the liar and the hunted.

"No, Bobby. You're wrong."

There was wetness which was tears in Dean's eyes. He was himself professing the horrors he had gone through. Bobby had only seen Dean cry once in his life. Not even when the boy was eight and broke his ankle did he cry.

"Dean." Bobby's voice and expression softened. There was no anger in his voice; only understanding and kindness. This Dean wasn't ashamed of how he felt. He was the man he is when he's with Cass. The gentle and kinder Dean who shares a friendship with an angel. The very angel that rescued him from the darkness to show him the light.

"I did bad things, Bobby. I was the thing that I would hunt down as a hunter."

"You were in hell for four months, son. Of course, you were different."

"No. You don't get it. I was there for forty years."

Bobby was unable to say anything. There weren't words to express the way he felt .The tough grizzly of man had a tears in his eyes. Just at the thought of Dean going through hell. He realize they never spoke about what happened in hell. It was better not to ask.

"I am the Righteous man who shed blood in hell. I caused the first seal. It was my sole responsibility to allow the weakness for Lucifer to rise."

Dean made Bobby keep eye contact. He didn't want Bobby to look away. He wanted to make sure that Bobby understood what he went through. Because this was a one time only thing. And there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to numb the experience.

"I was no longer a man. They made me into what I hated the most. I was basically a demon, a human soul being twisted. Had I stayed longer I would have become the thing I hate."

Tears rolled down Bobby's face, he made no effort to wipe them away. Dean's voice was broken, but he didn't shed a tear. It was as if Bobby had broken something deep within Dean he had tried so hard to forget. Bobby was kicking himself for that.

"I was a monster. I killed and tortured. Not just demons, but humans. The innocent whose blood I shed. They begged for mercy but I made the blade cut deeper."

Bobby found it hard to look at Dean in the face. He understood why Dean didn't want to talk about. It made him sick in the pit of his stomach. He caused Dean to remember what he had done. Maybe, Bobby should have let him be.

"It took them a year to break me. I spent thirty nine years just killing and torturing. I prayed and called out during the last ten years. Begging for forgiveness and pleading. Yet I didn''t stop. Evenally, I was freed. It was Castiel who heard my cries and he brought me to the surface."

Bobby felt guilt for not believing Dean about being alive. They did nothing to help him. Forty long years, Dean spent in hell. Time is very different down there. Bobby was starting to worry and not just for his own safety. But Dean's as well as Sam's.

"Then I came home to find you and Sammy had moved on. I was just dead to you. No one came alooking for me. Nope, you were just hunting and drinking. Sam got a girl friend and a damn dog."

"Dean, we tried."

"No. Then I came back there was more hell. But Castiel is the one person I could count on. It could a stranger to rescue me."

Bobby had no words. What was there to say? They mourned and that was the end of that. Dean was dead, he had lived his last year. They had a service and moved on. It's what any normal family would have done.

"It gets better from there. End of the word, Micheal hunting my ass and more. We think we have it won, but nope. Castiel betrayed and Leviathans. Cass died, we fought Leviathans and Purgatory."

"If Cass wants to be in Purgatory then what can we do?"

"I don't know. But what I do know is. We'll figure something out."

"Can I do anything to help you?"

"Stop asking me about my past. I was a bad man, Bobby. I want to the good man."

"Alright, son."

TBC...

Author's Note: Sorry, it's a bit later. I had a touch of writter's block. But this is the end result and I'm pleased with the way it turned out. There's more to come, so enjoy!


	14. Chapter 14 - In A Name

Bobby came downstairs and sat with Sam. There was the sound of footsteps, the door slamming and the pur of the impala. Dean was gone and Bobby knew that. Bobby settled for a beer and offered one to Sam who accepted.

"How did it go?"

"No well."

"I gathered that much."

"Shouldn't have asked him."

"It's not your fault.

"Boy, I'm old enough to know when it is."

"He's been keeping secerts."

"That's not his fault."

"It's not our either."

"He won't talk to us."

"And it's not his fault.", a British accented voice spoke

Gabriel stood in the dinning room and helped himself to a beer. He took a seat and placed his feet on the table. He took a swig while the hunters gave him a bright eyed look. "What?", Balthazar remarks wondering why they were confused.

"What to you mean?", Sam queried

"It's not Dean's fault."

"Explain.", Bobby asks

"It has something to do with Castiel's grace. It's kinda of gay actually."

"Go on."

"When Castiel raised him from perdition, he left a mark on his shoulder. It's a grace infused mark of protection. A heavenly claim."

"Oh."

"It's kind of like a love bit. Of course, the tench coated angel is so in love with Dean."

"My boy is not to elaborate?",Bobby requests

"Okay, it's more like a bromace."

"Define please. That is not in my vocabulary, you ,idgit."

"Complicated love and affection shared by two straight males."

"Cute. Cut to the point.", Sam sighs

"They umm...share a more profound bond."

"I could have told you that.", Sam gripes

"Castiel is in Purgatory and he's in distress. So they are entwined with one another. Like two sides of the same coin. They are each other's best friend. So it brings pain to Dean and he feels Castiel reaching out to him."

"Is that why he's acting strange?"

"Yep. He's experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder induced by Castiel's distress. I'm sure once Cass makes contact. Dean's problems will begin to go away."

"Can you do something about it?", Bobby posed

"He has prayed several times. His song has been heard and we respect his request. We are leaving him alone."

"Balls."

"Come on. There must be something you can do."

"Nope. Deal with it yourself, buttercup."

"You have no table matters.",Bobby muttered

"You have no respect for my angelic duties."

"Balls."

"Indeed."

With that Balthazar leaves and takes the entire six pack from the fridge. Bobby grumbles and Sam snickers at his expression.

Meanwhile...

Dean gunned the impala going eighty down the highway. He drove until the pain was too much to bare anymore. He found a motel room in a town called "Journey" near a hundred miles from Sioux Falls. He paid for the night and went for a walk.

He found drawn to a church and stepped inside. It was a white little country church with a white picket fence. There was a tree, old and tall with some much life. A tin swing hung from the branch. Dean smiled at the beauty and simplicity of it.

He noted the church doors were unlocked as if the town trusted its visitors. Dean noticed the stain glass windows. He also recognized biblical scenes of symbolism. Like David and Goliath, Noah, Moses and Esther. All stories relating to a trail and hardship.

He started to pray. He ended an answer from Castiel and no one else. He didn't care what anyone else had to say. But it was important. Little did Dean know that Cass had been mediating, focusing and trying to contact the hunter.

"Castiel, I know you're out there somewhere. I need some answers, man. What is this I hear? That you don't want to come home. I don't want to hear it from Crowley or Balthazar. It's you, I want to the words from."

There was silence and Dean got no answer. He remained at the altar, kneeing in prayer. His eyes were shut and he prayed. If Castiel won't answer him, then he'll just pray for protection for his angel friend. There were footsteps and Dean came face to face with a young man.

"Hello, I'm Pastor Dave."

"Dean."

"Is there something I can help you with?"

"Naw. It's kinda of personal.

"I'm here to help."

Dean shook his head no. The young pastor smiled and added, "I'll be in my office if you wanna talk."

Dean sat there in the little church on the front row. He didn't hear the soft padding of footsteps against the carpet. Dave took a seat next to Dean, Dean looked into the eyes of the honey eyed man. There was something about him that seemed off.

"Dean, my real name is Isaac. I've been asked to help you."

"Who sent you?" Dean poses wearily

"Castiel.

"What?"

"You've been struggling with PTSD induced by grace. It appears that you bare a heavenly claim.

Your symptoms should begin to lessen once he is able to make contact."

"What is this "heavenly claim"?"

"The hand print on your shoulder. It is the mark of Castiel."

"So why did he send you?"

"It's not your fault, Dean. He wants to do penance and atone for his actions."

"Why the hell would he tell you feathery brains?"

"We heard his prayers. He requested that we were to leave him be. He cut all ties to heaven. No one has heard from him."

"Why can't you do something about it?"

"He has made a request. Penance is what he desire so we allow him to make atonement."

"I don't understand."

"Castiel has not inclosed anymore information. Other than a message for you."

"Why do you have to be the one to send the message?"

"I am from his Garrison. I served with him. The garrison choose me and I went as the messenger."

"What's the message?"

"Let me go, Dean. You can't save everybody. I'm alive; I don't want to die. But you can't save me, only I can save myself. You have to learn that, Dean-o. I'm unsaveable, Castiel in Latin means "To fall from God." It never was my destiny to be the good soldier. So stop living in the past and let me go."


	15. Chapter 15- Eye Of The Tiger

Issac patted Dean on the shoulder before leaving him. There was a pain in his chest that was hallow when he heard he needed to let Cass go. Family doesn't get left behind, that's not how it works. We go down swinging and no one gets left behind nor forgotten.

Dean struggled against the pain and his chest heaved as he took a shaky breath. The tears threatened at fall and he tried to be strong. He zipped his coat up and tried to hide between the collar. He avoided eye contact and walked back to the motel.

He paid for the room in advance so he just packed up and hit the road. He slide behind the wheel of the impala. His lip quivered and he held the tears back. He drove and banged his hands against the wheel. "Damn it. You just had to leave me. I need you, Cass. I can't let you go."

The tears flowed down Dean's face, and allowed himself to leave loss. It wasn't like losing Dad, he could be grieved. But how could mourn for the angel that ran away from the world? There wasn't an ability to grieve knowing he was out there.

He didn't expected the car from the opposite lane to serve into his lane. The car meet his and the impala crashing The car was hit head on and metal the impala crumpled like a child's toy. Dean's vision was meet with black spots and his head thrown back. His chest rushed up and meet the steering wheel. Pain rapidly increased and Dean wheezed.

His head pounded and breathing was a struggle. Dean found he couldn't feel below the waist and he knew he had to stay awake. He feared if he closed his eyes, he'd be gone. He fought for as long as he could and the sirens were in the distance. He slipped into the darkness, losing consciousness and his eyes closed.

The crew of policemen, firemen and paramedics fought to get Dean out alive. It appeared there were no survivors in the car that hit Dean. The car was so badly crushed it took forty five minuets using the jaws of life to pry Dean from the car.

There was enough space for Paul, one of the paramedics to asses Dean's injury. His neck was braced and they moved slowly to brace his head and back. They lifted him onto the jourey and loaded him into the ambulance.

There Paul worked to intubate Dean's airway to allow him to breath. He noted the left leg was badly bruised as was the right. But the right knee was blown out and he braced the knee. He started an iv and pushed pain killers. He worried about internal bleeding and head injury. No one to know for sure until he's x-rayed.

Paul finds in the tattered pockets of the man's jeans was a wallet. There was identification, the man's name is Dean Winchester. They spoke of the radio letting the hospital know what was coming through the doors. And Paul prayed this stranger made it through the night.

When they arrived, within minuets Dean was rushed through the doors. "White, Male. 6'1, 165 pounds . Blown right knee, possible head injury and internal damage. Crushed chest, bruises, accelerations, etc. He was in a head-on collision about sixty minuets ago. His name is Dean Winchester. ", Paul stated.

"Okay, let's get him into trauma three."4

Paul and his partner, Alex stand in the waiting room. Paul solemnly looks towards Dean, hoping the man makes it. Their shift ended but Paul didn't feel right about leaving. So they stayed while the trauma team worked fast.

"He's got the best damn team working on it, Paul."

"I know, man. But damn he was pretty badly injured."

"Shift's over, I gonna get home to Macy. I'll see you later man."

"Okay, Alex."

A social worker was assigned to Dean's case, she would be the connection between the family and doctor. Her name is Emily Richmond, she's a beautiful woman with brown hair and choclate brown eyes. She is the one who delivered the bad news to the family.

It was Sam who answered the phone and he was devastated. He was unable to speak a coherent sentence, he stuttered his response. Emily calmed Sam, speaking soothing and gentle words. Sam understood and knew he needed to get there right away.

Sam ran into Bobby's room where he woke the man. "It's Dean. He's been in an accident.", Sam shouted. Within second, Bobby was wide away, and jumped up. The two men dressed quickly and were out the door within ten minuets.

Bobby and Sam got into the old dodge pick up of Bobby's. Bobby gunned it and they hauled ass down the roadway. Somehow they made a two hour journey in a 90 minuets; perhaps hours spent behind the wheel had helped. They arrived and Bobby parked near the entrance.

Two men rushed into the hospital and were greeted by Emily Richmond, the social worker. She spent a bit of time catching them up on what had happened. She allowed them moment to process everything before delivering the next bit of news.

"He's in Grave Condition."

"What does that mean exactly? "

"There's not much we can do. It means its wait and see. The first twenty four hours are critical."

"What are the extent of his injuries?"

"Dean suffered a lot of bruising and accelerations. He blew out his right knee, lot of buries to the lower exterminates. He has internal bleeding, specially speaking his spleen ruptured. His right lung collapsed and his chest is badly damaged. He has a contusion; a bruise on the brain. It's bleeding out and he needs surgery."

"Ummm, where is he now?"

"Emergency Surgery."

"Would you let us know when we can see him?"

"Of course, dear."

She left them like that, and all Sam could do was close his eyes. For one moment, he could escape reality. He dreamt of being a boy; sitting in the back of the impala with a book. Dad driving and Dean singing along to the radio.

Dean sang along and before long John joined in. The two made Sam chuckle before rolling his eyes.

**Rising up, back on the street**

**Did my time, took my chances**

**Went the distance now I'm back on my feet**

**Just a man and his will to survive**

**So many times it happens too fast**

**You trade your passion for glory**

**Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past**

**You must fight just to keep them alive**

**It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight**

**Risin' up to the challenge of our rivals**

**And as the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night**

**And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger**

And with that memory in mind, Sam knew that his brother had to come back to him. Dean would always fight, it was in his blood; to keep fighting til the laughed at the imgine and Bobby gave him a look before muttering "Idgit."


	16. Chapter 16- Holding On

Sam felt like a ton of bricks just were dropped on him. For once, Sam Winchester couldn't do anything to save the one he loved; actually for the second time. But who's keeping count? Bobby and Sam shared a look, Sam swore that Bobby actually had tears in his eyes.

"Don't cry ole' man, I'll lose if you do.", Sam said gruffly

"Sorry, kiddo.", Bobby replied roughly

"Can I speak to Sam Winchester?", a male voice asked

"That's me."

"I'm sorry, just family.", the voice added

"This is Bobby Signer, he's family. He can stay and he can visit Dean. You got my say so.".Sam corrected

"Of course. I'm sorry, sir."

"Try that again."

"My name is Dr. Peter Matthews. I'm Dean's physician. He'll be under my care."

"I'm Sam, Dean's brother and this is Bobby, Dean's uncle."

"Dean's still in surgery. He's lost a lot of blood; we're doing a blood transfusion now. We surgically repaired the brain bleed. As for the spleen, we removed it and took care of any bleeders. His knee is being take care of by our orthopedic surgeon."

They talked medical for a little while longer before the doctor was paged. Minuets turned into hours, hours into what seemed like forever. About three hours later, Dr. Matthews hadn't returned but send Emily in place of him.

"Dean's in ICU now. He's been given priority, a private room. You can see him, one at a time."

"Thanks."

"He looks better than when I first saw him."

"Oh, by the way. Dean's EMT on-site, is here. His name is Paul; he's looking for you, guess he wanted to see how Dean's doing."

"I'll talk to him, son. Go see your brother."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Sam gave Bobby a sad smile and thanked him before leaving. He found Dean's room, hadn't take him long at all. Sam took a step into the nearly quiet room, all that greeted him was the hiss of the ventilator and his brother's heart beat. Dean looked ashen-gray, it was unnatural to see Dean like this. His Head was bandaged, there was also one on his abdomen and his knee immobilized.

Sam took a seat next to Dean and took his hand. He didn't care what anyone else had to say, Dean is his older brother and deep down he's a kid again. "Come back to me, Dean. I can't do this without you." He had never seen Dean so still and sickly before.

A single tear ran down Sam's cheek and he knew there was only one person who could help Dean now. He was a world away, for what ever reason he had chosen to leave. And maybe deep down Sam knew that he needed Cas just as much as Bobby and Dean.

"Keep fighting Dean. You're a fighter." Sam took a moment and stood up. With tears in his eyes and his hands raised, he began to pray to Castiel. This is his worst nightmare come true, he lost Dean once and he can't do it again. He has to trust someone, not God but Castiel.

"Cas, it's Sam. I know aren't the best of friends. But we got something in common, Dean's our brother. We love him and see the best in him when no one else does. Man, I don't know how to tell you. He's really hurt, got in an accident. He's in the ICU, the doctors don't know if he'll make it. He needs you, Cas. You hurt him real bad, but you have a chance to make it right."

With that Sam went back out to the waiting room where he saw Bobby with a stranger. He figured that must be Paul. He took a seat next to the two men. He introduced himself and Paul talked to them for a while.

Castiel heard his plea for help but he struggled. Benny noticed his distress, Benny wasn't the kinda of guy to all softie over another dude's problems but he could relate. Cas fell to his knees, there were tears in his eyes and he spoke another language.

"I can't understand, Cas."

Benny keeled next to the angel hoping to help him. Cas took a deep breath and tired to communicate. But he was unable to get anything out which frustrated him. Benny made him take several deep breaths and hauled him to his feet.

They returned to where they made camp and Benny knew it would be dark soon. It was a rather chilly evening and he started a fire. Cas looked awful, his eyes red and puff while his head was kept down. He twiddled his thumb and it seemed something was on his mind.

"Something wrong brother?"

"Ummm, it's Dean.", Castiel answered his voice thick with emotion

"What?"

"He's been in an accident."

"How bad?"

"Sam prayed that I would return. The doctor doesn't believe Dean will make it through the night."

"Oh, pal. Dean needs you it seems."

"I know. I'm not sure I can go back."

"I know it's hurts like hell to think about going back. But Dean needs you."

"Benny, that thing is that I wanted to damn myself to Purgatory. I get my ass got dropped here by heaven and then Father did nothing to help. But I don't wanna leave, I don't deserve salvation or grace."

"Castiel, man. I know you and I can relate. But Dean Winchester is done there somewhere and he needs you. If Sam prayed to you, he must really need you."

"I'm afraid."

"Don't be, their family."

"In my experience, family can through you into Purgatory and kill you."

"Well, damn. You're just gonna have to trust those Winchesters."

"That's not comforting."

"Castiel, I don't think you have much a choice."

"I know."

With that Castiel prepared to leave, they fought like hell to get Cas home. Benny waved and Cas stepped into the light. He took a deep breath and within seconds he was through the other side. He took a step on the fresh Earth.

"Home is Earth, Heaven no more. Angels betrayed me, but my human family never left my side. Even when I don't deserve it, they are there.", Castiel thought to himself.


	17. Chapter 17 - Letting Go

Castiel arrived at the hospital, he wore tattered dirty clothes and had a full beard. He looked slim, exhausted and lost. Cas steeped into the door and quickly found Sam. Sam didn't realize who the man before him was before he looked into his eyes. Those blue ocean eyes filled with so much pain and guilt.

"Cas."

Sam embraced the angel of the Lord and hugged him. Castiel was left stiffly in his embrace until he awkwardly hugged back. Bobby even hugged the angel and ruffled his hair calling him an "Idgit." Castiel knew he was home, heaven is no longer home but here with his family he was truly home. But home was missing Dean, Dean who was lying in a hospital bed on the edge of life itself.

"I'm so sorry, Sam."

"Cas, I'm glad you home. Forget it, it's in the past and what matters is you're here now." Sam meant those words with sincere honesty. He was willing to put the past behind them and focus on now. What mattered is Castiel has returned and Dean is still alive.

"I'm dirty.", Castiel commented in shame.

"Dean can wait, go clean up."

With that, Sam showed Castiel to the little room they had been given stay in until Dean is less critical. Cas showed and he dressed in a pair of navy scrubs waiting out of him. He shaved and felt much cleaner than before. Although, he would have to shower many times before feeling clean again.

He returned to the lobby where the two men were drinking coffee. Castiel felt out of place among people and wearing clean clothes none the least. Purgatory is filled with savage creatures wishing to make Castiel their next meal. There are no sounds in Purgatory, just the stillness with dangerous lurking at every corner. But the hospital is loud with busy sounds which make Cas a bit uncomfort.

"How is he?"

"He's broken, internally and externally.", Sam sighted

"Can I see him?"

"Of course."

Sam and Castiel walked down the corridor together, Castiel looks directly at Sam and stops suddenly. Nervousness welled up in Castiel but he had to know before he saw Dean. He needed to know the truth, and Sam would have to tell him.

"Why did you pray to me?"

"I'm a the end of my rope, Cas. There's nothing the doctors can do but wait and see. And my brother is in there dying. You are the only one I knew to call."

"I can't promise I can fix him. I can only try."

"You fixed me."

"That's different, Sam."

"How so?"

"His body is physically broken, I worry I may have to dig a little deeper to fix him."

"How deeply?"

"Justinhismind.", Castiel muttered nervously chewing his lip

"What did you say?"

"I said I may have to look into his head."

"Damn it, Cas."

"It might be the only way."

"I give my permission and trust but be careful."

"I will."

Castiel and Sam arrived at Dean's door, Sam nudged him forward and left. Castiel swallowed but his throat was awful dry. He closed the door behind him and settled into a seat next to Dean's bed. He figured he should talk to Dean before attempting to fix him. Perhaps it would calm his nerves and help him relax.

"I'm so sorry, Dean. I really screwed up this time and I'm sorry. I never should have taken the implala without your permission. I'm sorry. And I should have taken more protection than I did."

Dean would have scoffed and called him a stupid before lecturing. Sometimes Dean forgot that Castiel was several thousand years old. But Dean would always view Cas like he did Sam as a helpless drooly child. For now, Castiel was okay with that but he wasn't always.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The sight of Dean hurt him, with many tubes and bandages. The only sounds of the room was the hiss of ventilator and the sound of his heart rate. The room itself was somber as if the life had been sucked out of the room.

"Here goes nothing.", Castiel declared placing his hands on Dean's head. His grace flowed through his hands and he repaired something vital with Dean. Cas knew he couldn't fix the broken state of Dean's body but he could bring him from critical to stable.

Life flowed through Dean's veins and Castiel knew Dean would soon wake he was sure of it. Cas wrote a letter and placed the note in Sam's discarded jacket marked "For Dean." Castiel never intended to stay long. He's just passing through, not staying long as he turned to leave.

His heart and mind were troubled, he just ended to clear his mind. He took a long walk and found himself turning back. As if something was making him want to return, it was a strong feeling to return. So Castiel made his way back to the hospital and he found himself face to face with Bobby.

"Where were you son?"

"Went for a walk, I just needed to clear my head."

"I thought you left us again. "

"I truly thought about."

"Sam found your letter, didn't read it though."

"I'm just a little lost, Bobby."

"Aren't we all boy?"

"I didn't think I could face him."

"He's just Dean, kiddo. He's not gonna bite."

"It's just I've done so much. I believe there is no way I can atone my sins."

"Hell, Cas. Dean's done a hell of a lot more than you. And John Winchester is likely so damned in hell that no one can hear his screams."

"I want to be my old self."

"I think he's far gone, son."

"I know, Bobby. Some times I think he was the better angel than I am."

"You make a hell lot of a better man than he is."

"Thanks."

"No problem, son. We all make mistakes."

"I'm not so sure, but I appreciate it."


	18. Chapter 18- The End Is Not The End

Dean Winchester was never the type to just lay around and not fight. Castiel sat with him, his chair pulled up close to the bed where the broken man lay. He just wished he got there sooner and may this never would have happened.

Dean's eyes opened taking in the gently light from the window. His first thoughts were he must be dead. His head ached with confusion and felt filled with cotton. He attempted to speak but the words were hoarse.

"Cas?"

"I'm here, Dean."

The angel and the hunter did not need to exchange words. The tears in Dean's eyes and the quiver of his lip was enough. The smile and gentle squeeze of his head to Dean's cleared his words. Cas held Dean gently as the hunter sobbed.

"Am I dead?"

"No."

"When did you return?"

"Sam prayed and I came."

"Why?"

"You needed me."

"I don't deserve your grace."

"I don't deserve your kindness, point?"

"Why do you care?"

"You are the one I rebelled for. Not gonna let you go so easy."

Dean smiled lightly, his eyes dropped and he half feared if he closed his eyes the angel would be gone. "Sleep, Dean."

"Will you still be here?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Dean."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Dean closed his eyes and fell asleep, he found peace again. Cas was home with his family and Dean was on the mend. Together, no matter how broken they could heal. Moving forward was the only way to go.

That evening God visited Sam Winchester. He delivered his message and Sam was made clean again. No more traces of demons blood left on his soul, God gave the youngest Winchester Salvation. Much like Cas, God left his own print on Sam. A hand print on his heart, a daily remind of God's love.

Epilogue

Eventually, Sam Winchester settled down and married. His wife, Karri and him had three children – two sons, and a daughter. He lived a happy and fulfilling life as a lawyer. They lived near Lisa and Ben, never revealing the past.

But the two were protected, Dean left his number. While they couldn't remember who he was, they knew to call if in trouble. Dean watched his son grow up from a distance. Like his father, Ben would become a hunter. Dean and Ben together as acquaintances, never revealing the truth. Dean hunted until an injury got the best of him.

He never slowed down, he never was the rocking chair type. He traveled and Cas went with him, they saw the country. With the impala, they went state to state, seeing every state. Even doing the tourist things and sampling pie across the country.

Castiel settled into life with the Winchesters, protecting them and fighting along side them until the day they died. He stayed by their side through out their lives. But when Sam passed away, Dean gone several years before him. He returned home to heaven where he discovered both Winchesters were in heaven.

The Winchester Gospels were popular and the story touched generations for thousands of years. It told the store of the Righteous man, the broken man, a drunk and a fallen angel. But in the end, they all found their own happy ending.

He was welcomed back with open arms and forgiveness. Castiel would serve heaven until the end of time itself. Before he rejoined his Earthly family in heaven. It turned out, heaven had an open road and Dean's baby to explore the open road.

The End.


End file.
